Behold, Nike’s new World Cup commercial.  It’s a little bit of LOST, a little bit of Guy Ritchie’s finest, Snatch and a whole lot of solid action.  This is definitely pushing the envelope. I might even call this art.  And that’s high praise for unabashed marketing material from one of the world’s largest companies.

Enjoy.

Inter Milan won Europe’s title for the first time in 45 years, beating Bayern Munich 2-0 Saturday night on a pair of goals by Diego Milito in the first Champions League final played on a weekend.

Milito scored in the 35th and 70th minutes at Santiago Bernabeu Stadium to give Inter its third European title, following back-to-back wins in 1964-65.

Inter completed an Italian treble following victories in Serie A and the Italian Cup. Jose Mourinho became the third coach to win the European title with two clubs following a championship with FC Porto in 2004.

Bayern also had been trying for a treble after winning the Bundesliga and the German Cup.

Soon to be seen in Harrison, NJ.

According to multiple sources, 35-year old Barcelona midfielder Theirry Henry has agreed to join the New York Red Bulls of the MLS after the conclusion of next month’s World Cup. This continues a trend of fading European superstars, including Freddie Ljungberg and David Beckham, finishing their careers off in the US–and making a boatload of loot while doing it.

Much like Beckham, there will not be a significant amount of pressure for Henry to perform at high levels on the pitch but to help grow the game here in America while giving younger players an opportunity to learn from a guy who just two short years ago at Barca had 26 goals and 12 assists.

And this may not be the last big signing for the MLS in 2010 as rumors are flying that former Arsenal midfielder Robert Pires is also mulling an offer from the expansion Philadelphia Union.

The tackle that has Germans around the world cursing

In other news, Germany captain Michael Ballack has been ruled out of the World Cup due to a right ankle injury, damaging the perennial favorites chances for a fourth championship  less than a month before the tournament.

Ballack, the 33-year-old Chelsea midfielder tore ligaments in his right ankle from a tackle during his club’s 1-0 FA Cup final victory over Portsmouth on Saturday.

Ballack’s ankle has been put in a cast and it has been announced that he won’t be able to train for at least eight weeks.

Gianlugi Buffon could be kissing gold again in South Africa

Group F (current FIFA World Rankings)

1. Italy (5)

2. Paraguay (30)

3. New Zealand (78)

4. Slovakia (38)

View from a Dilettante: Unless you can trace your family lineage back to this boot shaped peninsula, it is hard to find much to like about the Italian national soccer team. Looking like Gambino family soldiers covered in jailhouse tattoos, slickly coiffed locks and a penchant for dirty play (my wife, a nice girl of Belgian descent, loves them—go figure) the Azzurri are a dramatic bunch who enter South Africa 2010 as the defending World Champions and among the favorites. Utilizing a style of play called catenaccio, meaning “door-bolt” (a highly organized and effective backline defense which is intended to prevent goals) once the Italians score a goal there is little to no chance of an equalizer. Similar to Germany, Italy brings a style to the pitch that can be maddeningly boring to watch but, as was the case in 2006, effective enough to lead to a world championship.

And if catenaccio fails, you can just send Marco Materazzi out to call the opposing team’s best player the “son of a terrorist whore.”

It begins and ends on the defensive end for Italy and the man in the goal—Gianluigi Buffon, winner of four of the last seven “goalkeeper of the year” awards, is about as close as impenetrable as they get. Fabio Cannavaro, another veteran stalwart defender who has been dogged by doping rumors, further solidifies the backline and has stated publicly that this would likely be his final international appearance.  And while the Azzurri are envied around the globe for their defensive prowess, names like Gattusso (a true tough guy), de Rossi and Pirlo anchor a phenomenal midfield while newcomer Antonio Di Natale (who has scored 28 goals in 34 Serie A matches this past year) is ready to step in for retired Luca Toni and Francesco Totti as the designated scorer.

Here in Los Estados Unidos this past year, the Paraguyan national team found itself in the news thanks to midfielder Salvador Cabanas being shot in the head while in a Mexico City nightclub bathroom (he lived. Note to assassin: buy a bigger gun if you want to be good at your work) but could be a team that finds its way into global headlines by making it into the second round in South Africa. This is a talented side that shut out both Brazil and Argentina during qualifying and have plenty of scoring power with Benefica’s Oscar Cardozo and Manchester City’s Roque Santa Cruz.

Yeah, Mr. Hamsik, your hair looks fine. Now score some goals . . .

Making its first appearance at the World Cup, Slovakia benefited from a Polish own goal to advance but, with the help of the young and creative Marek Hamsik, Slovakian Player of the Yearm, this is a team that could certainly make a little

noise.  The 22-year-old Hamsik currently leads his Serie A team (Napoli, a team that is contending for a Champions League spot) with 12 goals and is thus familiar with many of the Italians that he will be up against on June 24^th. As it is widely assumed that both Paraguay and Slovakia will get three points from a weak Kiwi squad, look to these two teams to fight it out for the second spot in Group F.

And that brings us to those loveable Kiwis. They sing and dance just fine but don’t look for too many goals from this side as they will be in contention for the old Wooden Spoon. Led by Blackburn’s Ryan Nelsen (the only member of the All Whites to play in a major futbol league) they will bring a physical style of play onto the pitch but will be one of the first teams on a plane out of South Africa.

Group E Preview (Current FIFA world rankings)

Netherlands (3)

Denmark (26)

Japan (43)

Cameroon (11)

"During my time at Goldman Sachs . . ."

View from a Dilettante: You know those cool “Dam Good Bier” commercials for Amstel Light with the catchy sing-along worthy song and beautiful people at parties in Amsterdam that we would never be invited to (yeah, I know. The black guy IS wearing a checkered shirt beneath a bright orange Netherlands tank top. He is still way cooler than me or, probably, you)? Where the one guy clings to a light post with his arms yet is talented enough to juggle a soccer ball with his dangling feet (yeah, I hate it too. All advertising for that matter, to be frank)?  So, being as that we have all seen this commercial it should come as no surprise that these beautiful, enlightened and talented (and possibly color blind)Dutch have a national football team that will run roughshod over Group E of the 2010 World Cup in South Africa . . . even without Ruud Van Nistelrooy.

Let’s start with Bayern Munich’s Arjen Robben. Guy looks like a low level banker who is intent on finding ways to scheme hard working people like you and I out of our money but, in reality, he is a stone cold goal scoring assassin. Look no further than the shot he took against Manchester United in the recent Champions League match that knocked the Yankees of Europe out of the world’s biggest club tournament. I nearly fell off my bar stool watching that vulgar display of power. True, such as was the case at Euro 2008, the Dutch will look to be invincible during match play (beating down the French and the Italians) only to find themselves being dominated when it counts (against Russia).  And there is no guarantee that such a thing will not occur again in South Africa but this team, with guys namedvan Persie, van der Vaart, Babel, Robben, Huntelaar and de Yong could make a serious run in 2010.

When I think of Denmark, I can only think of the time I spotted Vigo Mortensen at a Barney’s Beanery in West Hollywood going absolutely ape shit watching his home country side in the 2002 World Cup. It was like 5 in the morning and don’t ask what I was doing out in West Hollywood at 5am . . . After missing out on both Euro 2008 and the World Cup, the Danes are back with a team largely devoid of any big name talent. But don’t think that means they don’t present a clear and present danger for its foes as they finished first in their qualifying group, one that included Portugal, Sweden and Hungary. As long as nobody tried to bomb their games in response to certain cartoonist’s decisions, keep an eye on the long in the tooth but savvy Danes.

Its tough to manufacture many goals with long balls and players who rarely break the six foot barrier. I know, Lionel Messi is 5’7” but he is flanked by bigger guys who could clear out room for him.  Unfortunately for the Blue Samurais they are being held up as possible winner of the wooden spoon (given to the last place team of the tournament) and even with dead eye goal scorer Shunsuke Nakamura its tough to imagine them the ball in the net against any of the three big, fast and talented teams in their group. An early departure in 2010 is on the horizon . . .

Asset or just ass?

For Cameroon, the African team with the most World Cup appearances, it begins and ends with uber-talented Inter Milan striker Samuel Eto’o. This is a guy who is somewhat like the Terrell Owens of international soccer. The third all-time leading scorer for Barcelona but who refused to go into a 2007 Barca match because he said he didn’t have ample time to warm up (a claim that is widely dismissed) and who has been the subject of vile racial taunts while in La Liga and who always, for good or bad, seems to be in the cross-hairs of the press. Second place in this group promises to be a rough and tumble fight between the crafty Danes and the “Indomitable Lions” of Cameroon with my prediction being . . .

The Netherlands and Denmark will be moving onto the second round.

Great news for anybody who enjoys heading up to Canada’s version of Sin City: Starting in 2012 you can pair some tasty poutine with live MLS soccer (in between visits to strip clubs, which north of the border are referred to as “peeler bars,” of course)

The Impact Cometh!

As evidenced by what are arguably the most intense fans in the MLS singing all game long in Toronto and the previous decision to award Vancouver an MLS team, the Whitecaps, in 2011, Canada is a market that is hungry for soccer.

“It [is] a pivotal moment for soccer in Canada,” league commissioner Don Garber said yesterday. “By 2012 we will have teams in the west with Vancouver. We will have teams in Ontario and Quebec with Toronto and Montreal. That’s going to provide, I think, an opportunity for great regional rivalries, hopefully a better national team in Canada — that would be great for fans both here and throughout that country.”

The team, who will be known as the Impact, will be the MLS 19th team leading some to question whether the league will become too diluted talent wise to be recognized as a quality league. However, as attendance is up signficantly so far this season (the league is averaging 18,334 for its first 29 games, up 19.9 percent from 15,285 from the comparable period last year) this can be seen as a move to take advantage of the fact that soccer is finally taking root in the North American psyche.

Steele's crew in 2002.

Once upon a time, late at night during the 2002 World Cup in an apartment deep in San Francisco’s seedy Tenderloin District, I sat with a bunch of guys from Ghana and watched Senegal take down Sweden. They all assumed I was Swedish (the strawberry blonde locks and opaque eyebrows get me either Irish or Swedish) and, since we were all smoking copious amounts of day-glo green and purple weed that night and I don’t speak French, I never made the effort to correct them. So, I spent the entire match with these highly excitable—but very nice guys who were perpetually rolling yet another joint—Ghanian guys screaming in my face the one thing in English that they seemingly knew by heart. “REP-RE-SENT SEN-E-GAL!!!”  Every pass. Every corner. Every tackle. “REP-RE-SENT SEN-E-GAL!!!” I finally said, you guys aren’t even Senegalese. I understand that you want your African brethren to succeed but give it a break. A pause laced with razor wire tension ensued.  Then, yes, you probably guessed it, “REP-RE-SENT SEN-E-GAL!!!”

So what the hell does this have to do with Group D of the 2010 World Cup? Not much besides the fact that my European brethren will take revenge on Ghana and I will derive a lot of joy in watching this happen . . . .

Group D (Current FIFA World Ranking)

1. Germany (6)

2. Australia (21)

3. Serbia (20)

4. Ghana (37)

A little bit of Steele, a little bit of Thomas Haden Church. One fantastic keeper.

Outlook from a Dilettante: As somebody who once tried to run game on a German girl by telling her that I was former Bayern Munich goalkeeper Oliver Kahn’s cousin and who also, during my honeymoon many years later, stayed at the Grand Hyatt Berlin at the same time as the  DFB (where I did lat pulldowns next to Miroslav Klose), I have a soft spot for Deutschland. But they don’t need me to dominate this group. Even with Joachim Loew making the quite controversial decision to not invite the Bundesliga’s top scorer, Kevin Kuranyi, to South Africa (a move that was derided by none other than Franz Beckenbauer in the German newspaper Bild) you still have to contend with the likes of Michael Ballack of Chelsea fame/infamy, Phillip Lahm, Lukas Podolski and past Golden Boot winner Klose. And that, my friends, is all you need to know as to why Germany will without a doubt finish in the top spot here in Group D. As evidenced by the fact that since 1974 they have been champions twice and runners up three times this is a side that comes to play when it counts.

Probably not the best idea to go for a header or go up for a cross against a dude who looks like Ivan Drago.

Try to find out the history of the Serbian team and the dudes living in their diamond encrusted castle at Google will spit nothing back at you. Why? This is the first year that a team known as simply “Serbia” will be competing in a World Cup (See: Yugoslavia, Serbia and Montenegro and watch the results pile up). But trust me, they’re quite passionate about their futbol in and around Serbia. The Serbs, led by the scary intense defender Nemanja Vidic, finished at the top of their qualifying group (as did each team in this — what has been called by some — poor man’s group of death) ahead of the French and are a side that, like Turkey in 2002 and Bulgaria in 1994, could be a surprising team that goes deep into the tournament.

How can you not pull for a team that goes by the nom de guerre of “Socceroos”? Actually, I find that to be a cartoonish and insipid name for a team but, then again, my favorite baseball team is led by Chief Wahoo so whatever . . . The Australians, led by Dutchman Pim Verbeek, are a team that has vowed not to be fearful of the German squad that they open up with on June 13—which is admirable—but I have a hard time seeing how qualifying in the Asian Football Confederation against the likes of Qatar and the war torn Iraq (coupled with the fact that not one member of this team currently plays in either the Premiership, Serie A or La Liga) will have them ready to compete in this group. Nice seeing you Aussies, have a nice flight home.

And we come to my friends from Ghana. I love Michael Essien (even when he wears that ugly blue kit for Chelsea) and the Black Stars were quite impressive in destroying the US and the Czech side in 2006. However, with Essien’s health always seeming to be in question I see them as being competitive in South Africa but without the guile and toughness to finish ahead of Vidic’s Serbian team. Somewhere this June, some nice and stoned Ghanian guys will not get their desired result—I just hope that some Canadian guys don’t scream for Germany the whole match. Germany and Serbia advance on to the next round.

Jozy Altidore, celebrating a goal against the Spanish Armada in the Confederations Cup.

Remember the excitement around US soccer last year after our lads knocked off Spain in the Confederations Cup? With the score 1-0 Yanks at the half, I left my own private cubicle hell and made my way to a little Belgian bar on W. 43^rd St. where scores of fellow office squid were slowly sipping Stellas and waiting for the inevitable—which never happened as Gooch, Dempsey, Donovan and crew held on for the win. Suits were soiled by triumphantly spilled suds and hugs were received from the creepy guy from accounting but it was the best of times for domestic soccer.

Remember how we had the best team in the world, Brazil, down Two-Nil at the half only to watch it all crumble into a sea of red, white and blue tears that weekend? From my perch at the bar Floyd in Brooklyn Heights there was widespread, uh, ambivalence. Sure the hard core fans were a bit saddened by the loss but, damn, we were up on Brazil at the half!!! Now here is the tough part. Actually it’s pretty easy because it makes perfect sense: there will be a lot more pain that pleasure in store for Sam’s Army this summer in South Africa . . .injuries, an excess of confidence and a rough and ready group give me no choice but to tell you, dear reader, to expect a quick exit for our boys.

Hey, don’t shoot the messenger. That’s just the way it has to be in Group C.

Group C

1. England (9)

2. United States (14)

3. Algeria (28)

4. Slovenia (33)

Outlook from a Dilettante: To begin with, since France ‘98 (you remember, the year we finished dead last and were beat down by the Iranians), only three of the 36 teams that have gone down to defeat in their opening group-stage game have pulled their shit together and salvaged a trip to the knock out round. The fact that the USA has drawn its former colonial master—and most difficult opponent, England—in the first match, coupled with the fact that the two other teams in this group, Algeria and Slovenia, are by no stretch of the imagination unskilled teams, gives the Americans very little chance of qualification between slim and none.  Did I mention that the hulking Oguchi Onyewu may not be fully recovered from a knee injury and the return of mercurial Charlie Davies looks even more grim?

A healthy Rooney is a dangerous one. The question remains: Will he be fit enough to do damage?

England, where futbol is both tabloid fodder as well as religion, will arrive in South Africa with a seasoned side that includes the second best player in the world Wayne Rooney up front and the philandering but nails John Terry in the back to go along with solid—if not aging—talents in Frankie Lampard, Steven Gerrard and Rio Ferdinand. David Beckham? Won’t miss him. When he was in his prime he was one of the best center-passing wings and THE most deadly free kick artist in the world, but those days have passed. All in all, this is an easy pick. For England to NOT make it out of this group would be tantamount to Duke losing to the Stevens Institute of Technology in the first round of the NCAA’s . . .

How’s this for trial by fire: for the “Desert Foxes” of Algeria to qualify for this edition of the World Cup they took on decades old rival Egypt in Khartoum, Sudan and, after Algeria won 2-0, 15,000 Sudanese troops were deployed to quell the rioting, Egyptian businesses in Algeria were burned down and Egypt pulled their ambassador from Algeria (yet when the US beat Mexico to qualify it made the back page of the local sports page. What can we say, we prefer baseball.). Algeria is a feast or famine team who lost 3-0 to Malawi and 4-0 to Egypt but then upset the Ivory Coast 1-0 before shocking Egypt in the finals. This is the exact type of team that I expect for the US to overlook (like Iran) and lose a 1-0 game to.

Finally Slovenia. Another team that carved out a huge upset to qualify and that is largely a mystery to semi-casual fans like myself. But when you take a closer look at this team, you see that that after qualifying in their European group came down to a home-and-home with Russia (who stoked the ire of the Slovenians by publically stating how pleased they were to be matched against what they thought of as a weaker squad) this team representing a country of 2 million came away with one of the most shocking upsets in qualifying history in knocking the Russkies out.

Beyond England, my pessimism makes it impossible for me to pick the USA and with a tough pick between two unpredictable and largely unknown teams. However, I have a feeling that the African teams will enjoy unprecedented success in this, the first World Cup on the continent, tournament. The picks are England and Algeria.

Obi Wan leads his Nigerian national squad to the Cup.

Group B

1. Argentina (8)

2. Nigeria (22)

3. South Korea (52)

4. Greece (12)

Outlook from a Dilettante: Each year the chatter echos that this could be the year that a team from Africa makes it to the finals or wins the whole thing. Because of that, for some time now, the Super Eagles of Nigeria have been a team that I have kept an eye on. True, they did need some last minute heroics on the last day of African qualifying in beating Kenya to even make the tournament, and African teams tend to be nothing if not unpredictable. Yet with internationally seasoned players like Chelsea’s Mikel John Obi and Everton’s Yakubu Aiyegbeni this is most certainly a team that could be the George Mason-in-the-2006-NCAA-tournament of this year’s big dance. . .

Ah, Argentina. Where to start with his enigmatic glamour side? The world’s best player? Check. A corpulent midget who, before falling in love with tequila and the Bolivian marching powder, was the world’s best player as head coach? Check. Barely qualifying? Check. There is no denying that, on paper, Argentina is rife with talent including Lionel Messi, Carlos Tevez (best scars this side of ‘Quasimodo’ Ribery) and Sergio Aguero but, like Nigeria, nobody really knows which team is going to show up on the pitch come June . . .

Gekas, standing in place, dancing like the dude in the Red Stripe commercials.

Interesting fact: South Korea was unbeaten in 27 consecutive matches until a recent 3-1 loss to Serbia. Another interesting fact: they will not win a match in this tournament. Bet on it. . . Ever since Greece came out of nowhere to win the Euro 2004 (and subsequently ducking out quickly in the last World Cup) the Hellas have been a tough, defensive team that nobody wants to play. In qualifying, Greece produced the top goal scorer in World Cup qualifying in striker Theofanis Gekas but my gut is telling me that Nigeria and Argentina will emerge from Group B.

Ronnie Whelen, Steele's 1980's Soccer Dopleganger.

My interest in futbol began as a vehicle–actually more of a facade–towards cultivating a worldliness that my football-crazed northeast Ohio upbringing could not provide. After one season of soccer as a 6 year old which was more like 22 kids just chasing a ball around in a dust cloud, I never played soccer again opting instead for the Rust Belt’s preferred football, the kind on the gridiron. However, in time, I found soccer as a way to create a persona apart from my Ohio State Buckeye-obsessed friends in Akron. In those pre-Google days of yore, I would spent afternoons scanning various soccer magazines at the local Borders trying to decide which team in the premiership I would support, taking note of the nomenclature of the game and the memorizing the names that dominated the headlines (George Weah! Roy Keane! Maradona!). While my burgeoning interest in soccer did not lead me to her, I even dated a girl whose father was from Scotland and would pepper him with ignorant questions about the basis of the incendiary rivalry between Celtic and Rangers before one day he caught me driving his car at a time when my drivers license  had been suspended (another story, but a really good one), thus ending our little chats about footie.

Then, in 1998, I moved to San Francisco and discovered a bar in the Lower Haight called the Mad Dog in the Fog not to far from my apartment where genuine futbol addicts gathered on pre-dawn weekend mornings to watch the beautiful game, get drunk, hand off illicit substances to their mates to keep them sharp and teach me how to truly appreciate the most popular game in the world. The Boddington’s flowed freely and I slowly but surely came to recognize off-sides with ease, appreciate the dramatic opportunity afforded by set pieces and find the Italian national team to be a most boring group of thugs to watch.

So, roughly 12 years after choosing Tottenham Hotspur as the team I would follow and the emergence of Al Gores greatest invention (the internet!) as a way to follow leagues in Ecuador and England with ease, I find myself more excited than ever for this summer’s World Cup in South Africa (not just for the matches but also to see if I will win my bet on the over/under on stabbings during the tournament–I put money on the over). Here is my quick insight on what to look for, what to sleep through and who to wager your hard earned ducats on . . .

The now infamous "Hand of Henry" play.

Group A (FIFA Rankings)

1. South Africa (86)

2. Mexico (15)

3. Uruguay (19)

4.  France (7)

Outlook from a Dilettante: Even with the hullabaloo surrounding Theirry Henry’s handing the Irish a pint of heartbreak in qualifying and Franck Ribery’s predilection for young, young girls in Parisian nightclubs giving some pause to the efficacy of Les Bleus in 2010, I firmly believe that they have to be seen as the favorite in this group. While the French media have been burning head coach Raymond Domenech in effigy for some time, this could prove to be a rallying point for France as they look to put the “Hand of Henry” behind them. Besides Bayern’s Ribery and Henry, France is set up well on the backline with the likes of Bacari Sagna, Eric Abidal and William Gallas and Patrice Evra giving them a formidable defense but, in the end, Henry will shine and quiet the storm of discontent that has followed him over the past few months.

No host team has ever failed to reach the round of 16 but this is the year for such a thing to occur as too much firepower exists on the Mexican and Uruguayan (I have taken a special liking to Atletico Madrid’s Diego Forlan of late) sides making it nearly impossible for South Africa to make it out of this evenly matched group. Unless, of course, Matt Damon and Morgan Freeman suddenly burst out of the tunnel on June 13th leading the RSA. But that ain’t gonna happen.

Uruguay barely qualified for the World Cup, beating Costa Rica in a play-in match, but the aforementioned Forlan is a scoring machine in La Liga who I see making life miserable for the rest of this group. This is a pure gut feeling, but I can see this team making some noise in 2010.

With up and coming players such as Giovanni Dos Santos and Carlos Vela coupled with savvy vets like Omar Bravo and Raffy Marquez logic would likely point to El Tri joining France as the countries to advance but my abject hatred for Cuauhtémoc Blanco overwhelms my better sense. Seriously, I have truly come to possess a special type of loathing for the Mexican team and their dirty players (see: Oswaldo Sanchez calling Landon Donovan’s mom puta and, after being beat for a key goal, slide tackling Eddie Johnson). Oh, and fans who hoist photos of the twin towers burning when our squad plays at Estadio Azteca.  My hate  aside, Uruguay and France are the picks here….

Coming soon, Group B Preview.